You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
