the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
