I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
