Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
