scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
