And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
