Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
