My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Randomize
