So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
