Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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