Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
