Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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