Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
