phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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