And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
