Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Michael Bay diarrhea
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize
