Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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