watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
