I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
well you can't waste a boner
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
