I love black thongs
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
