What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
