Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
