dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
