He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
