If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
