A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
