the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I need moral support for this bender
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
