I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
