Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
