U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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