Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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