my vag is so smooth its legendary
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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