went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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