She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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