There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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