it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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