They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
