Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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