Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
should my penis look like a turkey
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
