its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
