I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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