Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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