do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
