Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Operation Purity has been aborted
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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