Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
