chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
