I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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