Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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