If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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