If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
