she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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