You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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