my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
