Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
