I cockslap morals
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
