also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
