i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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